The journey for the journal:series of funny events
by hotemopunkchickoreo
Summary: Hermione has lost her diary oh no not is going to be so funny youll pee or sumthin itll have some romance in the end please read abs review H
1. Chapter 1

HI ALL !!! this is my first trully all funny fic usually my fics have just a few funnies in it but I just receantly read Revenge of the Killer Plot Bunnies by Strangerwithmyface and if you havent read it I incourage you to do so and it was some funny shiot omg. That is what inspired me on this so read and ennjoy okay.

ukalali my homies ... okay im sorry im better now.

disclaimer : I dont own nor do i have a smart alik responce for this disclamer

**Chapter 1 Series of twitches**

* * *

She ran down the hall not expecting she would get caught out at this time at night. She had left her Diary in one of the classes down the hall she had to check all of the classes and all the teachers should be in their bedroms all tucked in . She truged down to the errie dungeons for her first class to check was Proffesor Snapes class room. Lalalalaaa she said singing merily like a little fool. Something was wet on the floor and she slipped about 17 feet away . 

" God what did I fall on now " I said to myself .

" Oi' sorry 'ermione " grunted a massivley big Hagrid I looked down at the floor to see what I tripped on and even thou the Hall was barely lit by Hagrids lantern on the floor I could see the yellow liquid on the floor.

I looked up his leg to where they where spred apart and he was holding his hands near his mid section. ' OMG HARGRID IS PISSING ON THE SCHOOL WALLS ' . I think that would have made my day if I wouldnt have slid threw it eww !! .

" Um Hagrid are you doing what I think you doing ? " I asked. He zippered up his pants and brought up his lantern and on the wall in yellow script said .

" SNAPE IS THE BIGGEST FAG IN THE WORLD AND HE SHOULD GO SUCK DUMBLEDOR'S D- "

He just looked as innocent as a half giant could and smiled . " Me no... neeever " he chuckled and skipped merily down the hall creating large thumping sounds down the corridor .

I stayed on the floor for a couple of seconds until I thought of what I was laying in.

" Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew and eewwwww !! " she screeched .

Then being her smart self decided to use a spell she had learned recently to clean one's things.

She got up of the floor and continued to make her way down the hall a until she got down the hall to Snape's class ( potions ). The door didnt amitt any light so she thought it safe that she go in.

She searched the class room thouruly. And still nothing came up then I heard a soft noise coming from the back room ( a:n / you should never follow the noise but okay hear it is ) she seen that the door had been left some what ajar. So she decided to peer throu it . What she seen and heard should have mentally scared her for life. .

Snape had his arms around a manican of what looked like Dumbeldor.

" Ohh I love you with all of my heart ... take me Albus right here and now " he yelled. And instead of turning her head away what does she do keep watching . It was hypnotizing just like the titanic ( you know you wanna turn the channel when its going down but yet it seems like nothing else is on and it sucks you in ) .

Snape was touching himself in ways Hermione didnt know he could . " Ohh harder faster ohh merlin ughhhh I love you and the way you feel your head is like a brilo pad and your smile is like a pedafile but I love you " Snape continued . Hermione began to twitch and back away slowy until she was at a safe distince to run away.

" I dont think those mental images will ever go away " She began to twitch again .

"Next class is Binns he better not be doing no freaky shit damn " I mutterd under my breath .

I heard noise coming from his class room but I decided against being worried against it . He wouldnt mind me any way he liked me 'As a student that is ' hmph well he has been looking at me strangely . I walked in his class room and shore enough I should have turned around . Profesor Binns and Profesor Flitwick where on the teachers Desk with boxers on loose shirts and there ties around their heads and black socks on. Singing what I would call the most scarriest thing I could have imagined old ugly Profesors to be singing .

"Oh my god Becky, look at her butt "  
" Its so big "  
" She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends Who understands those rap guys "  
"They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute "  
" I mean her butt It's just so big "  
" I can't believe it's so round It's just out there "  
" I mean, it's gross "  
" Look, she's just so black "

rap  
I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung  
Wanna pull up tough  
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring  
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya  
And take your picture  
My homeboys tried to warn me  
But that butt you got  
Make Me so horney Ooh,

" Umm Profesor" she choked out . Both of the profesors nearly fell off the desk.

" Yes Hermione what can we do for you " Binns startely replied . Then his eyes roamed her body and widend on one spot perticualy .

" Umm do you happend to know by any chance if I left my journal in the class room today " I asked politely .

" Umm no sweet heart not that im concerned " He replied with a glint in his eye . Which by the way scared the crap out of me.

" Okay then Sir bye " I said with false cheeryness on my way out I heard Flitwik say

" Ohhhh Baby's got back" with laughter attached to his voice. " Did she have a pass with her we can keep her here if she didn't " at that thought I ran down the corridor looking for the best door than I noticed the Room of Requirments . So I pushed throu. And seeing the two groups of people in there not fighting was slightly disturbing.

Harry, Ron, Blaise , and Malfoy where in the room on what seemed like a platform. I walked in althou this was kindove perciluar it wasnt the most freakiest thing I had seen tonight.

( Okay sorry but right now the idea in my head is causing me to burst out in laughter so if you are not aware of what these raps are I suggest you youtube them and if you hadn't noticed in my previous fics I am a youtube freak I comend them. also Im not really into the songs except harry and rons but I thought the other would be funny )

" Okay I bet me and Malfoy could take your bitch nigga ass on ( a:n / humpf I am of the african american community so I can write that you got a problem bitch nigga nnnnnn ) " exclaimed Blaise reverting back into his ghetto self surely the freaks do come out at night.

" Okay bring it " Ron said. I surveyed the boys from top to bottom .

Blaise was wearing a gray and black sweater with a colar and extra baggy blue jeans with a black and gray bandana tied around one of his belt loops. ( blaise is actually black inthis story and a guy and

... skip ahead just me ranting about zabini ...

his friggin name is spelled like this Z A B I N I there is no friggin M why do people freak that up and I kno Blaise is way better as a italian or some exotic person from the other side of the world but he is black so try to discribe him more with those features some black guys are hott . OH AND I PROMISE ILL GET PISSED IF SHE HIRES SOME UGLY DARK SKINNED MUTHA LOVER TO PLAY HIM get somebody like chris brown or sumptin. EXPESIALLY that wall to walls video made him look evil. well i have two brother that always dance like him and suprisingly one of my brothers i live with can dance and sing the other is just okay at both hahaha im evil well back to blaise if they get some one like lil wayne ill throu something at the screen . pick like omarion, or marques huston when he was younger with curly hair -sigh -, or Lil Fizz yes lil fizz hire him - haaaaaaaa drool - okay well im sorry about ranting and getting way of topic email sosux on livejournal thx . Oh and on reading this over i missed an important thing BLAISE ZABINI IS A MOTHA LOVIN boy WITH A FREAK OF A MOTHER HE DOESNT EVEN KNO HIS DAD..ummm sry again.

... began to read again ...

he had amazing waves in his low cut hair and surprisigly he had light green eyes . he was a little lighter than milk chocolate and he had on Jordans which were an American muggle brand of shoes.

Malfoy looked straight up diffrent he hadn't slicked back his hair and he was wearing a light grey hoodie and a plain white tee shirt . He was wearing baggy black jeans and white sneaker. He had chains on his pants that looked like it weighed down his pants ( a:n / sorry but anyboy that knows the meaning of wearing their pants of their hips but do it any way are really gay just so you know ) . He had a black belt on with what looked like spinners on the clip. He also had a black and grey bandana looped throu his belt.

Harry looked regular he had on a black button up shirt and blue jeans. His hair was still messy as usual and he had a diamond in his left ear and had a really big sparkly watch

Ron being the odd ball was dressed so goofy he looked like a white red-headed version of Tupac ( we miss you Tupac Shakur R. I. P. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) and eminem mixed together. He had on a wife beater that showed of his toned muscles I didnt even know he had had on baggy ... im mean really baggy white pants that fell of his waist even thou he had a brown belt on with black shoes. He had a black bandana around his head and he was pulling up his pants from the front ... The weirdo. He also was sporting a rather large golden chain. ( me thinks it isnt real )

" Yo you gotta flip the coin I aint touchin anything that came from you " Draco said with his usually snobby attitude .

" Ok " Harry said flipping a galleon . ' idiot ' I thought . ' dont they know theirs only heads on that coin .

" Now stop you are so idiotic " I said pulling out an american quarter. " Now flip ".

" Ohh right yeahh we knew that" Harry said blushing.

" Heads " Draco called in the air.

" Heads " Harry said

* * *

Hey sorry guys but I think I'll end there hahaha I am proud of this chapter but yet again I wait until i finish another chapter to post hey guys check out my other stories. 

Do you like this chapter does it intrest you

next chapter

Dumbledoers big hairy thing

ohh I forgot about my usual banter so here

me : now what to write

draco : about how you love me

blaise : about how you want me

hermione : about how smart I am

me : right you all suck expesially you hermione what should ginny hmm ... oh h ... no not that ...um ...idk someone help peas and gravey everyone.

bye loves i am the great emo

and yes i am this slow sooo deal with it

draco : ( whispers ) I like big butts and I can not lie whoop


	2. dumbledors big hairy thing

Hey hello and umm the songs for this chap is laffy taffy and soulja boi so look them up on youtube b4 you read or wat ev . I need a beta and thanks to all of yo up people out there readin this and if you laughed atleast once right

2771772

Dislaimer : hibidi hoobla ( to much 8mile )

CHAPTER 2 Dumbledors big hairy thing

disclaimer : yeah yeah yeah yadda yadda yadda ... and wait blah blah blah

" So we go first ... hey where did you come from " Malfoy asked finally acknowledging my presents .

" Ohh hehe me ... really ... um well im Head Girl after all I can do what I want " I said pointedly .

" OK " he replied completly taking my bait .

" Que music " Blaise said as they took their place on stage . ( a:n / I cant stop laughing at the images in my head already hahaha rofl )

Blaise : Lookin' for Mrs. Bubble Gum I'm Mr. Chik-O-Stick I wanna (dun dun dunt)(oh)  
cause you so thick

Draco : Girls call me Jolly Rancher Cause I stay so hard You can suck me for a long time (Oh my lawd Girl this ain't no dance flo' This a candy sto'  
Blaise : And I'm really geeked up And I got mo' dro'  
Draco : I wop? I roll It's all I know It's the summer time But yo laffy taffy got me froze (oh)

( blaise and draco )

Gone get loose (oh)  
Gone get low (oh)  
Don't be shy Hoe I'm Faybo (oh)  
Draco :I know you wanna ride You a star and it shows

Blaise :(well tell 'em, damn whassup, whassup let's go, let's go, let's go)

Together )  
Girl, shake that laffy taffy That laffy taffy Shake that laffy taffy That laffy taffy Girl, shake that laffy taffy That laffy taffy That laffy taffy

Draco : (candy girl)  
That laffy taffy

[Draco I run the candy store And I got mo sugah than Trick and Cee-Lo If ya got a sweet tooth girl I got ya flavor You can have it yo way either Now or Later My chico stick is a real Lifesaver And I feed 'em Lil' Debbies cause I ain't gone cake 'em It's Lo, Fabo bust a move then stunt When I came up in the club and you know what we want

[Blaise

Say baby girl Ay what you gon' do I got a hundred ones I wanna po' on you Just keep that ass shakin'  
And I keep tippin' you While I sit back like a playa And sip that grey goose Feelin' all loose Cause girl you on yo job You got my dick hard The way you touch them toes Workin' them micros On the stilletos You made it skeet skeet skeet Like a water hose

Draco :(candy girl)  
Blaise : Got me goin' in my pocket pullin' out mo' dough Let the waitress know I need to order, five hundred mo'  
You best believe later on we headed to the mo'  
So gone and pack them bags And let's motherfuckin' go I'm waitin' on yo fine ass At the front do'  
Girl, you don't know I'ma toss the laffy taffy Toss it, flip it, and slap it Bust a couple of nuts And get right back at it

shake that laffy taffy

( ok lol this is soo slow and i think its hillarious)

Ron sucks his teeth when the beat of the music fades out . " Yall sucked man " he said as he shakes his head and gets up on the stage followed by Harry . At this point im laughing my head off on the floor. ' not literally '

" You bring it then " Blaise said showing a little hostility .

( OK IF YOU DIDNT KNOW I DID COPY AND PASTE THIS PART AND IM NOT CHANGIN LOL )

" We plan to " Harry said and smirked as he sat his glasses down . ( he looks hawt when his eyes ajust )  
[Chorus: x2  
Soulja boy up in this hoe Watch me crank it Watch me roll Watch me crank that soulja boy Then super man that hoe Now watch me yeah!  
(crank that soulja boy)  
Now watch me yeah!  
(crank that soulja boy)  
Now watch me yeah!  
(crank that soulja boy)  
Now watch me yeah!  
(crank that soulja boy Soulja boy up in this hoe

Watch me crank it Watch me roll

Watch me crank that soulja boy Then super man that hoe

Now watch me yeah! (crank that soulja boy) Now watch me yeah! (crank that soulja boy) Now watch me yeah! (crank that soulja boy) Now watch me yeah! (crank that soulja boy) [Verse 1:

Soulja boy up in this hoe Watch me lean and watch me rock Super man that hoe Then watch me crank that Robocop Super fresh, now watch me jock Jocking on them haters man When I do that soulja boy I lean to the left and crank that dance (now you) I'm jocking on your bitch ass And if we get the fighting Then I'm cocking on your bitch ass You catch me at your local party Yes I crank it everyday Haters get mad cause "I got me some bathing apes" [Chorus x2 [Verse 2: I'm bouncing on my toe Watch me super soak that hoe I'm gonna pass it to Arab Then he's gonna pass it to don loc (loc) Haters wanna be me Soulja boy, I'm the man They be looking at my neck Saying it's the rubber band man (man) Watch me do it (watch me do it) Dance (dance) Let get to it (let get to it) Nope, you can't do it like me Hoe, so don't do it like me Folk, I see you tryna do it like me Man that shit was ugly [Chorus x4 [Hook: Aim to clean up in this hoe Watch me crank it Watch me roll Watch me crank that Roosevelt And super soak that Hoe [x10 Aim to fresh up in this bitch Watch me shuffle Watch me jig Watch me crank my shoulder work Super man that bitch [x6 [Chorus )

[Verse 1  
Soulja boy up in this hoe Watch me lean and watch me rock Super man that hoe Then watch me crank that Robocop Super fresh, now watch me jock Jocking on them haters man When I do that soulja boy I lean to the left and crank that dance (now you)  
I'm jocking on your bitch ass And if we get the fighting Then I'm cocking on your bitch ass You catch me at your local party Yes I crank it everyday Haters get mad cause "I got me some bathing apes"

I'm bouncing on my toe Watch me super soak that hoe I'm gonna pass it to Arab Then he's gonna pass it to don loc (loc)  
Haters wanna be me Soulja boy, I'm the man They be looking at my neck Saying it's the rubber band man (man)  
Watch me do it (watch me do it)  
Dance (dance)  
Let get to it (let get to it)  
Nope, you can't do it like me Hoe, so don't do it like me Folk, I see you tryna do it like me Man that shit was ugly

( dot dot dot just listen to the youtube )

super man dat hoe (harry rips off his shirt and is wearing a super man costume  
Aim to clean up in this hoe Watch me crank it Watch me roll Watch me crank that Roosevelt And super soak that Hoe [x10

Aim to fresh up in this bitch Watch me shuffle Watch me jig Watch me crank my shoulder work Super man that bitch [x6

( i dont care how manny freakin messups there is deal... please )

" gooo woh woh woh " Colin said coming out of nowhere with a video camera " MTV is gonna love this " he added.

"Um that was very interesting " Some random random british guy ( we thinks its Simon Cowell)

" I love that, you my dawgs " said a Randy look alike holding a peace sign in the air to them all in general .

" That brought tears to my eyes like like like ummm... onions yeah onions or smoke oorrr umm... Simon's breath " said the only person I thought was real, Paula Abdul .

" Right and what does that say about you ... considering you are you " Simon shot back sounding totaly airtypical ( Hey im trinna make a new word meaning random ) .

" I agree with her Simon your breath does make me die a little every day " A guy with the name of Ryan said.

" Ohh Ryan your face makes me die a little everyday " Simon said seriously .

" Omg you annoying little idiots " I say with disbelief of these two " Hey has any one seen my Journal "

" No " they said all to innocently .

" Okay then bye my peeps woop woop "I said trying to be funny.

I closed the door and decided to go search again.

Next on the list was herbology I dont know why I would have might left it there but still a fair guess. So im on the way there I hear a cry .

I follow the noise taking a left than another then a right and a left again and finally I find what the noise is .

Mrtyle ( is that how its spelled ) .

"Are you ok " I ask her .

" Why would you care ... never mind ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my eyes hurt omg have you seen all that mutha lovin shiot thats been goin on around here I think if I werent dead I die some more " She said red in the face .

" Ive only got some tell me more "

" Just one warning " And just like that she poffed away . " Ive gone to the other side yeah my job is done . " A distant voice said.

"I think someone just didnt want me to know " I said sucpisiously . I decided to skip Herbology and go to Mcgonagal's classroom as I enter the room I noticed it was dimly lit and there was noices coming from the desk.

" Uhhhh Albus , albus , albus, albus . " Said a stern moan .

" ohhh minerva... SNAPE!!!!!!!!! " Headmaster screamed in ecxtasy .

" OKkkk yalll areee frekin meeee outttt " I screamed as I ran out the room.

Minerva's Pov

" Thanks Albus thats been bothering me all day long and why did Hermione scream " I said ,

" She thinks Im straight laugh out loud " He said .

" Im right here and you clearly didnt as you say laugh out loud " I said .

" Ha !!! " he siad sarcasticaly .

"Why did you say Snape " I asked a little confused .

" Ohh I thought I needed a little help with this Big hairy thing " Albus said .

" You know I could always help with that thing " I said quietly .

" I dont think you could handle it" he said.

" Any thing he can do I can do better " I retorted angrily before storming out of my room .

Hermione's Pov

Bad images really really bad images. I said leaving the room I decided that after tonight I would never look the profesors in the eyes ever. Im giving up for tonight this is boring or is it funny i cant tell " I muttered while shruging my shoulders.

As I get into the common every thing is fairly normal which was very eriee for the ended of this night. I discarded my clothes and just basically dropped on my bed when I felt someone under me and murmered and ' Umph '

My first thought that ran throu my head was ' omg there is a person in m m m m m my bed oh my gosh ' . Then I looked around the room and seen that wasnt any of my roomates instead there where what seemed like 2nd years .

The girl got up and pushed me of the bed " What the gravey ? " The tall 2nd year said .

' Gravey ? now what the freck ' I thought to myself .

" What ? " I asked incredioulusly .

" I'm trying to start a new slang hehe do you you think it will catch on " she asked. Now I was kinda scared.

" Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh Well im gonna go now " I said completley inoring the fact that I almost slept on her.

I still wasnt wearing my clothes so I picked up my pile of clothing and tipptoed out the room while the airhead plooped back on her bed .

" Bo yah " I said as I left the room unnoticed . Then I went in my respective bed and went to sleep .


End file.
